I’ve reminded myself of this quote over the years believing that I was quoting someone, but not entirely sure who it was. In fact checking for this post I find that it was widely attributed, wrongly, to Teddy Roosevelt, but actually came from Ray Cummings in 2003. Regardless, I believe in the sentiment. Comparing yourself to others will often take you away from happiness.
Comparison is another of those tricks that your helpful brain uses for survival. In ancient times, comparison was survival. We scanned our tribe to see where we stood. Were we strong enough? Fast enough? And therefore were we safe? If we fell behind or the group dropped us, it could literally be a life or death situation.
Fast-forward to now, and our brains are still performing the comparison function. We now compare different aspects of ourselves to others to evaluate our worth to the group. Our looks. Our careers. Our parenting. The “things” we own.
Not only do we compare, but we go further and assess our past behaviour. Did I embarrass myself? Did I say the wrong thing? These ruminations can become habitual over the years – well-worn grooves in our brains that become easy to slide into, particularly when we are under pressure.
We can learn how to create new grooves of thinking, and to recognise when we are at risk of sliding back into our old grooves. I have worked alongside clients (and found myself) that while it takes time and effort to change years of thinking, it is possible and it is freeing.
