Are you responding to something real… or something imagined?
The mind is creative and tricky! And so is your memory. Each time we recall an event, we subtly alter it, adding new details, leaving others out, and filtering it through our current emotions and beliefs (and the reactions of others). Over time, the “truth” of what actually happened can become tangled with how we felt about it, what others told us, or what we wish had happened instead. This means our recollections are living, shifting things rather than fixed records.
Combined with this is the tendency to attribute emotions and feelings to others on the basis of our own thinking or observations.
This is a common theme in client sessions (and in my own head!).
They haven’t replied — they must be annoyed. (Or maybe they opened your message on the fly and intend to respond later when they have more time.)
She looked at me weird — maybe I upset her. (Did they actually look at you “weird”? Or were they thinking of something else entirely and happened to be looking your way?
The truth is that some of what we react to, or dwell upon, isn’t actually happening. We can learn to pause and ask ourselves:
Is that even true?
What do I actually know?
What story am I telling myself?
What would change if I responded to what I 100% know to be true?
When I ask clients “is that true?” they will often pause, smile, and acknowledge – maybe not! Placing them in a much better position to navigate from.
