We can sometimes be guilty of thinking about happiness as something that will happen when we achieve certain things (or when we eliminate tough situations). Giving us the false idea that we can “chase” happiness and that it is a permanent state that can be achieved. But happiness is like any other emotion – it comes and goes, sometimes in surprising circumstances.
The reality is that happiness isn’t something we arrive at; it’s something we experience in moments. When we view it as a destination, we set ourselves up for frustration and disappointment, because life will always include uncertainty, challenge, and change. Even the most joyful people still feel sadness, anger, or fear — they’ve simply learned (or are learning) to allow those emotions to pass through without letting them define the whole picture or drive their behaviours.
Instead of chasing happiness, it can be more helpful to focus on cultivating contentment and meaning. These are steadier foundations that support us through life’s ups and downs. They grow when we engage in actions that align with our values — even when those choices are difficult in the short term.
For example, you’re tired and you are considering cancelling the arrangement you made with your friend for later in the day. If friendship and dependability/reliability are values that resonate with you and you cancel, while you may feel relieved in the moment, its likely you’ll feel bad on some level having acted in opposition to your values.
If you engage in the action that aligns with your values and go ahead even though you don’t 100% feel up to it, it’s likely the action taken in accordance with your values will result in you feeling good about making the effort and happy to have seen your friend.
When we stop thinking of happiness as a permanent state to be worked towards, we often find that contentment sneaks up quietly — a byproduct of living with awareness and purpose.
